You know that feeling of pure terror, when you’re awoken by the brash “Marimba” ringtone, accompanied by a number that you can’t identify, and the decision to either answer, or simply let it go to Voicemail? Well, I faced this terror roughly an hour ago. (Yes, I sleep-in late because I’m a college student living at home getting like 3 hours of work each month…)
Luckily I answered the phone, because it ended up being an incredible call from the Worship Leader from my church. He started by inviting me to help produce and film the Small Group videos for my church’s Fall Small Group series (which is huge because these videos will be leading people through their studies for months). So that was amazing. (And extremely frightening because I have no idea what camera they even use, and no idea if I even remember a thing about producing videos from my few failed attempts throughout high school.) So there’s that exciting news, and an opportunity to serve the Church and God (maybe, if I’m even capable).
Also, he brought up the dreaded question of "why I haven’t continued to lead worship for my church (during High School, I lead Worship for the teen service) and why I was hesitant." I gave him the same answer I have been giving to everyone, which is "there are plenty of fantastic voices and plenty of people willing and WANTING to serve the church in that way, so I never have felt like it was right to do that." (Who knows if that’s the real reason I have yet to join the worship team again, because in the past I have felt apprehensive for numerous reasons. Sometimes I find myself, while singing on stage, worrying about what I look like or how I am perceived, and also how I may not be living the life I am called to, in the right way.) I care so much about what others think, and rarely even give any of my time to God, so how am I worthy enough to lead others in worshiping Him? These questions develop doubt in my ability to really serve in the Church. So I guess I will contemplate that moral dilemma, and smile all day about the fact that our head Preacher/Pastor/Minister (whatever Church word you want to use) told our Worship Leader that I needed to be on the worship team (it’s just really a confidence booster, because Wayne, the head Minister, is probably the most musically talented man I know) Now all I need is confidence in my heart for God, and not my voice…
Moral of the story…
This day is great, and also very confusing. SELF DOUBT, MAN.
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